


You Make Me Strong

by ItsLivvvy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha Liam, Alpha Zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Niall, Bottom Louis, Depressed Harry, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Omega Louis, Omega Niall, Omega Perrie, Omega Verse, Smut, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 14:36:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1514066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsLivvvy/pseuds/ItsLivvvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they moved me to the psych ward I didn't expect it to end up like this, but I guess it is what it is. I was better for it anyway. He made me strong. Louis made me strong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Make Me Strong

All I remember thinking was that I couldn't do it anymore. That I wasn't wanted or needed by anyone. No one needed another useless alpha lying around like a lump. I'd battled this for years. I'd fought hard for something I thought I would never achieve. I didn't know why I'd even bothered to hang on this long. Maybe it was because of my Mum or my sister. I didn't want to see them hurt, but my hurt was too much. I couldn't do it anymore. So I chased an entire bottle of sleeping pills with half a bottle of Jack Daniels and told myself it would be better when I woke up.

 

Things weren't better when I woke up. There was this beeping in my ear and everything was so bright.

"Am I dead?"I asked and I heard familiar sobs.

"Harry! You're alright!"It was my Mum and I groaned as I felt her lips press against my face. Her tears fell against my cheeks as she murmured prayers of thanks to God into my hair.

"Why?"I croaked.

"Because you're safe."She cooed and I shook my aching head.

"No, why? Why didn't you let me die?"She took a step back and looked at me.

"I couldn't Harry. I couldn't let you-"She choked on the word.

"Why?"I mumbled turning my face towards the wall and letting the tears slip down my face."Why?" 

"You're so selfish Harry."She walked out of the hospital room and I couldn't help but think that she was the selfish one, not me.

 

I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

"You are one poor excuse for an alpha."I spat bitterly at my image. My skin was pale and pasty, like fresh sheets at a hotel. The only thing that stood out on my face was the deep purple circles that accentuated the bags under my eyes. Even I could recognize that I was terribly skinny, terribly pale, terribly everything.

"Come on Harry, we're moving you to the wing now."I looked back at the nurse and shuffled forward towards the wheelchair waiting for me. I don't know why they put me in a wheelchair. I could walk perfectly fine. They wheeled me down to the last place I wanted to be, the psych ward.

 

I was placed in my room with a quiet, brown haired boy with sad brown eyes. He looked at me, then back at the wall. The white bandages wrapped tightly around his wrists told it all.

"I'm Harry."I said finally and his head slowly turned towards me.

"Liam."I reached out my hand to shake, but he didn't return the gesture.

"What did you do?"He asked flatly.

"I downed an entire bottle of sleeping pills, you?" 

"One on each wrist in the bathtub."I sat quietly on my bed after that. It seemed like the best thing to do. The nurses would bustle by checking on us, even when we went to bed. It was annoying and mostly uncalled for, but I figured I would learn to ignore it and just sleep. Liam did.

 

I wouldn't say that Liam and I were friends, but we were the closest thing I had. I would sit with him in the common room and that's where I met Niall. He was almost too happy and bubbly to be here. I couldn't understand why he was, until his first mood swing. He went from the Niall I'd known, happy and good natured, to a raging monster in less than a second.

"I hate you!"He yelled as male nurses grabbed him and stuck a needle in his arm to knock him out. He told us the next day that he was bipolar.

 

My first visit to Dr. Malik was not what I wanted.

"So, Harry, tell me why?" 

"Because." 

"That's not an answer." 

"Because I fucking wanted to."He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair.

"I'm only here to help."I rolled my eyes.

"What makes you different than all the other doctors I've been to see? They didn't stop me. What makes you think you can?"He leaned forward again.

"I'm here to make you better, not worse. I am your ticket out of here. You get better. I'll sign your release form."I knew he knew I didn't want to be in his office. I didn't want to tell him all my secrets. I didn't want to share anything with him.

"Dr. Malik, I'm not trying to be rude, but I frankly don't give a shit about your ticket to a normal life bullshit. Just dope me up like your type always does." 

"I don't believe that giving you more medication it going to help you, Harry."I shook my head as he wrote out an anti-depressant on his white doctor's notepad. It was less than anyone's ever given me before.

"This is not a fix. This is crutch to help you climb."He said handing the nurse the prescription. I guessed the new pills would be mixed in with my current ones. They told me they were just vitamins, but I knew it wasn't paranoia telling me they weren't. Mostly because I wasn't diagnosed with paranoia.

 

Life in the psych ward was pretty boring, although Liam and Niall were talking more.

"They won't let me shave by myself."Liam said and I nodded. They wouldn't let anyone shave by themselves, but it seemed to annoy Liam the most.

"They just want to make sure you don't."Niall glanced down at his wrists. The bandaging had gotten less thick.

"I know."He grumbled."If I really wanted to, I'd find a way."Niall shook his head. He'd had a change of medication since his last incident and it made him slightly drowsy. Niall blinked slowly up at me.

"How are you Harry?"I shrugged.

"I'm OK."I slowly wound a piece of string around my index finger."Still just as sad."I just happened to look up at the right time. I just happened to notice him. He looked beautiful walking in so casually like that. He flicked his light brown hair to the side and slid his sunglasses off his nose. His eyes were so blue and gorgeous. I could just swim in them.

"Who's that?"I asked and Niall looked back.

"He's the new nurse, beta probably."I sighed and Liam looked over at me.

"Why, do you like him?"I shook my head, but they knew. They knew.

 

When he started coming around regularly they would give me these looks.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be discouraging this?"I asked and Niall giggled. He was having a good day so far.

"I think it's nice."Liam said."You can have crushes on people to make yourself heal I think."I thought that was pure crackpot theory, but I let Liam be. I saw the way he looked at Niall. Wasn't it unfortunate for us both that they're both beta.

"Hey boys, have you taken your medication Niall?"He asked and Niall immediately shook his head yes, but Liam and I, who were sitting behind him, shook our heads that he hadn't. He smiled at Niall and handed him his pills.

"Nice try."He groaned and downed them in front of the nurse. He made him open his mouth and checked under his tongue. He moved on to Liam next and watched him swallow down his medication cocktail. I was last and he looked me in the eye.

"I don't think I know your name." 

"It's Harry."He nodded.

"Right, I'm Louis, here's your medication."I swallowed them and opened wide, even lifted up my tongue without him having to ask. Liam rolled his eyes.

"I know you like him, but you could make it less obvious you know."He whispered once Louis has left. I did have a crush, but it was just a crush. We couldn't be anything more because I was in the psych ward and he was a nurse plus he's beta. He's beta, right?

 

Louis would just sit with us all the time. He brought us newspapers and told us all that went on in the outside world. None of us had yet earned the right to roam the grounds. Hell, Liam was still basically on suicide watch and so was I. If Niall could manage to stay on his medication they might let him out, but no, he skips days and lies about it. They know how many pills he needs a month and when there's some left over they're not stupid. It doesn't take much to figure it out. I really do believe that that is chief reason number one why he stayed so long in that place. He wouldn't take his bloody pills. I could understand why he didn't want to take them. They made him drowsy and sluggish. He wasn't as happy when he was on them, but he was more stable. Stable was good. I wanted to be stable, but I wasn't. I still wished I hadn't ever woken up. This wasn't what an alpha was supposed to be like. We were supposed to be strong and protective for our omegas. I was more skittish and fragile than anything else. I couldn't even muster up enough of energy to make my face look threatening. I was one pathetic excuse for an alpha. The only thing that convinced me they hadn't got it wrong were my ruts, which were terrible by the way. My medication had thrown them off for years and I had yet to fall into a predictable cycle. I always knew when I was getting close though. Suddenly everyone who wasn't an alpha started to smell fuckable. That happened two days before, then I would tell Dr. Malik and he would get me away so I could wank in peace. Liam understood, it happened to him too. This one hit me hard though. I don't mean it lasted a little longer and required more work. I mean I couldn't go more than half an hour between knots and it went for a week, seven whole days. It was terrible and I had to muffle my sobs into a pillow because I couldn't stand the sound of my own whining. I pined for an omega, needed one so badly I thought it wouldn't end until I got my knot into one. When my rut finally broke I had to spend another day in the room recovering, as in sleeping all day. When I finally made it back to the common room Liam had gone into rut. Niall looked awful lonely when I finally shuffled back to him.

 

He sat in his usual flowery print, stiff fabric covered chair. His eyes were half shut and he stared down at his fingers, which weren't moving. I cleared my throat causing him to look up. He blinked twice at me before realizing who I was.

"Hey Harry."He squeaked happily."You look like hell."I snorted and nodded.

"I've been through hell. That one hit me hard." 

"I thought it was supposed to be pleasurable?" 

"Only if you have an omega to rut with."Niall's mouth dropped open slightly and he cleared his throat.

"I've been taking my meds."I looked up at him.

"Really?" 

"Yeah, Dr. Malik prescribed me another type that doesn't have as many side effects. So I can stand taking it."I was proud of him, I really was. Dr. Malik had downed my anti-depressants and I was actually feeling better for once. I would never admit it, but his therapy sessions were helping me. I was sure I was getting better, but that didn't mean I was cured. I still stayed up late at night. I still wanted to down a bottle of pills most days, but I had days that I didn't. I lived for those days and I prayed that it would become everyday.

"Hey Harry, I heard that you've had a rough week."Louis said pulling up a chair."I smuggled you in some candy."He held out a package of Fuzzy Peaches and I took them from him smiling.

"Thanks Lou." 

"No problem, Harry."His little smirk at the end made my heart swell. I was actually falling for him. He might be the reason my rut was so long, but wait, that only happened when an alpha's body detects that potential mates are near. Louis and Niall were beta. There's no way they'd keep omegas and alphas in the same ward. Omegas went somewhere else. They would never let an omega work in the alpha and beta ward. They'd keep them with their own. It was impossible and yet there the evidence sat. Something was up. I just had to figure out what.

 

When Liam got back we got the nurse to let us have telly in our room. They caved after weeks of begging. All we ever did was watch the news and football, but it was glorious. Niall would come and sit on the end of Liam's bed. He stared at the telly wide eyed as images of world conflicts flashed across the screen. Louis would come in at curfew and give us our sleeping pills. We were the last room in the hall so we could often rope him into staying for a few extra minutes and waiting to knock us out with medication. He would sit on the edge of my bed and I would just stare at him. I would shuffle up behind him and put my chin on his shoulder.

"I'm not sure that's appropriate Harry."He would say quietly and I would back off. That didn't stop me, however, from trying it every time. Maybe it was a little too persistent, but I couldn't stop myself. I had to touch him. He would finally insist we took our pills about an hour after curfew and we would. We didn't resist him checking our mouths for the already swallowed pills. He would get Niall back to his room and Liam would look at me.

"What?" 

"Nothing."

 

I woke up one morning to Liam shaking me.

"There's something wrong with Niall!"He seemed frantic and I bolted out of bed. I barely tugged my clothes on before Liam was dragging me to his room. Niall was on his bed, flushed and writhing.

"Help."He whined and I rubbed my temples. I grabbed Liam by the shoulders and looked him square in the eye.

"Liam, Niall has just gone into heat."I said and he shook his head.

"He's beta." 

"Obviously not Liam, you can't ignore what's right in front of you."His brow furrowed."Are you going to help him or not?"Liam's eyes widened.

"Me? No!" 

"Liam if you knot him before first rounds they won't pull you apart."He seemed pleased by that idea. I pushed him into the room closing the door and throwing my entire weight against it so he couldn't get out. Liam barely pounded his fist twice against the door before I heard the bed squeaking. I didn't leave until I heard Niall stop begging.

 

I sat in my room alone staring at the telly with glassy eyes. Louis came in and looked at me.

"Where's Liam?" 

"Going at it with Niall." 

"They're fighting?" 

"No, fucking."He stopped and it took a minute.

"Niall and Liam are having sex?" 

"Yes you dummy! Niall went into heat and Liam is helping him."Louis didn't even give me my pills, he just ran out. I didn't see Liam or Niall after that, but Louis told me that they'd been moved to the couples ward. I guess they'd mated after all. I felt happy for them, but then again, there went my only friends.

 

I was alone after that. I just sat in my room with the telly on. Louis came in to check on me a lot. It was nice to think that he cared, but I knew it was just his job. I could sometimes get him to sit with me for a little while.

"How are you Harry?"He asked and I shrugged.

"I'm fine. I miss them."He patted my shoulder.

"I know you do. They miss you too."

 

Dr. Malik was a help, I guess.

"So, how are you feeling about Liam and Niall mating and leaving?" 

"I'm fine with it really. I'm glad they're happy, I just wish I was."He nodded and gestured for me to go on."I'm the world's shittiest alpha. I couldn't protect an omega if I tried. I doubt I could satisfy them either."Dr. Malik leaned forward in his chair.

"You're not a bad alpha Harry. You've had some problems, but it doesn't automatically make you unsuitable." 

"I can't do what an alpha is supposed to do. I'm supposed to be strong and brave, not a depressed, suicidal mess."I buried my face in my hands. I heard the doctor sigh.

"You're depressed and you're suicidal as proven by your history of trying to hoard pills."I peeked through my fingers at him.

"You know about that?"He nodded. A few weeks ago Louis had found me with a handful of sleeping pills under my pillow. He'd been so upset with me.

"Don't you ever do that again! God, Harry, you're worth staying on this earth!"For some reason, when he said it, it sounded so much more believable.

"However, it does not mean that you're automatic shit. I've seen worse than you make full recoveries and live normal lives."I rolled my eyes."What you're feeling is normal. It happens to omegas too."He adjusted a picture on his desk and smiled."You're not alone." 

"It seems like I am. Niall and Liam are gone. My Mum hasn't visited me yet and Louis-"I stopped.

"What about Louis?"Dr. Malik asked suddenly intrigued.

"He's Louis."I whispered."He's a nurse in my ward that I can't help but love."Dr. Malik breathed out slowly.

"So you've got a crush?" 

"No!"I exclaimed. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Yes."I admitted defeated."I can't be with him! He's a beta and I'm an alpha. I need an omega and he's not, but I still have feelings for him. I'm so confused."I slumped back in the chair and stared at the ceiling.

"I understand what you're feeling, but maybe you should talk to him about it."I groaned and shook my head."You don't have a choice Harry, because he heard you."I spun around to see a gaping Louis standing in the doorway.

"Harry, I-" 

"Save it!"I stormed out of the office pushing him out of my way.

"Harry wait!"He called, but I didn't. I slammed the door on my room and blocked it with the dresser.

"Harry let me in!"Louis yelled banging on the door. I sat on my bed and ignored him. I didn't mean to cry. It just happened. The tears rolled down my cheeks creating shiny rivers. I looked at myself in the mirror.

"Pathetic."My inner voice said and that's when I punched the mirror.

 

When I finally let Louis in my knuckles had swollen up pretty badly. The blood had dried in its drips down my hand and it was the first thing that caught his attention.

"Harry, are you OK? What happened to your hand."He looked over at the mirror.

"Harry."I flinched away from him when he went to touch me."Let me take care of your hand."I held it out for him as he cleaned it up tenderly. I couldn't even look at him.

"Harry, I know you probably hate me."I scoffed."I didn't mean to overhear, but is it true?"I nodded and his hand came up to cup my cheek.

"I wish we could Harry, but we can't. I'm a nurse and you're a patient." 

"Not to mention you're a beta and I'm an alpha."He didn't say anything to confirm that.

"If I could Harry. I would, because you're gorgeous. You're worth staying here."I looked at the ground."Let me promise you this. If you get better and get out of here, I'll let you take me out."I looked up at him.

"And about your beta problem."He leaned in close to my ear."Things aren't always what they seem."He patted my bandaged hand and walked out of my room.

"What does that mean?"I called after him and all I heard back was melodic laughter echoing down the hall.

 

I chased him around after that trying to get him to tell me what he meant. It was eating me alive. Was he really an omega pretending to be beta? I could never get close enough to confirm it. I cursed myself for all those times I'd placed my chin right on the bond spot and didn't do a single thing. I couldn't help but hear the voice of depression creep over me like oil seeping through the cracks of my shabbily built fortress I called a mind.

"You're not good enough for him anyway so what does it matter?"It hissed and I grimaced."You'd never be able to satisfy him or impregnate him if he was omega. He would leave you anyway." 

"No, he said I was worth it."I smiled at the memory of him telling me I was worth a life on earth. My inner voice batted that idea away as quickly as it came up.

"He's lying to you to make you feel better."I sighed knowing I couldn't stop the voices, even if I tried. Louis picked the worst time to walk in.

"Harry, here's your pills how are you doing?"He asked cheerfully. I looked up at his shining face, flopped back on the bed and burst into tears.

"Harry, bad day huh?"I felt his small hands rub up and down my back."It's OK to let it out." 

"This isn't how it's supposed to be."I whispered and he sighed.

"I know." 

"I'm supposed to be strong." 

"Harry, you are strong, because you're still here."He assured me getting me to sit up and take my pills. He sat on my bed with me and he didn't even protest too much when I laid my head on his shoulder. I took a long, deep breath of his scent and there it was. The faint smell of omega barely detectable, but there under all the suppressants. I couldn't help, but sigh happily. He was what I'd always wanted. I couldn't not hear the voice of my illness say.

"He'll never be yours. You're pathetic and worthless."However, when I was with Louis that voice seemed just that little bit quieter.

 

"So are your medications helping?"Dr. Malik asked and I shrugged.

"Maybe, I mean I feel happier. Not happy, just happier."He nodded like he understood what I was saying.

"What about your voice?" 

"Still there." 

"And Louis?"I chuckled.

"Also still around. I have to get better first."Dr. Malik smiled and nodded. We were just wrapping up when a little girl toddled into the room. She had dark brown hair and darker skin, but the clearest blue eyes I'd ever seen. She was beautiful.

"Dada!"She made grabby hands at Dr. Malik and I then recognized her from the picture on his desk. She must be his daughter.

"No, Hannah, come back to Mummy."A blonde woman cooed from the doorway, but stopped when she saw me. I saw where the little girl's big blue eyes came from now.

"Zayn, I'm so sorry."Hannah giggled as her mother scooped her up.

"It's alright Perrie. I have to finish with Harry and then we'll go."She smiled at me and bustled out of the room. The clicking of her heels the only distinctive sound I heard from her.

"About Louis though, how far has this gone for you? Are you in puppy love or in love?"I thought about Louis and smiled.

"I think it's real love."I replied. He nodded.

"Then what's stopping you?"I paused and my inner voice spoke up.

"Oh maybe, it's because you're a worthless flesh heap that can't do anything right?"I dug my fingernails into my arm. The sharp sting of pain distracted from the voice, but it didn't go unnoticed by Dr. Malik.

"Do you do that often?"I nodded and he jotted something down.

"When's your next rut due?"I shrugged.

"Well, I'm warning you, if you really love Louis as you say you do. You're going to have to go in as soon as you feel it coming. You may not be able to stop yourself if you wait too long."

 

I sat in my room, as always. Louis came in, but he didn't have any pills.

"Harry, how did your session go?"I shrugged.

"As expected."He seemed put out by my answer. Like he expected me to answer him in paragraph form.

"Harry, are you hurting?"He asked and I looked up at him.

"I just want to know why you're here. How did an alpha as beautiful as you end up here, mateless and suicidal?"I sighed.

"I got depressed. No one wants a weak alpha."He frowned again.

"You're not weak."He rubbed his hand up and down my arm gently. He seemed to care so much.

"He couldn't possibly care about someone as pointless as you."The voice hissed.

"You are so strong Harry."He whispered, our faces inches apart. His forehead brushed up against my curls.

"We shouldn't."He said quietly as I brought my hand up to cup his cheek. Our noses brushed and I heard his breath hitch.

"Then stop me."I retorted connecting our lips with what seemed like a light going off in my head. People talk about fireworks, but these were some heavy duty firecrackers. I don't know how he ended up in my lap with his hands in my hair. The hand of mine that ended up on his thigh, the other on his ass, were total accidents. When he pulled away to breathe, for a moment, I felt normal and happy. I felt so much more normal than I could ever remember feeling before. I know that to you, normal is normal, but to me, normal is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world.

 

I knew it was dangerous, but I really just couldn't keep my lips off of him. I pulled him into janitor's closets to kiss him breathless and do everything, but have sex with him. He would be quietly begging by the time I was finished.

"Please Harry, just knot me."I shook my head.

"I have to get better first."He pressed our foreheads together and nodded.

"Well, get better soon."I chuckled nudging my nose against his.

"I'm trying."Even Dr. Malik noticed an improvement.

 

"Harry, you seem better than before."He commented.

"I feel better, like I have something to live for." 

"Is the voice still there?" 

"Yes, but it's easier to ignore it. I still have bad days, however, I have people now to support me."He smiled to himself.

"Sometimes that's all people need, more people. If you keep on this track I should be able to let you out into the real world with regularly scheduled appointments soon."I smiled because I knew exactly what that meant. A real date with Louis and maybe getting to make him mine eventually.

"Or maybe you're too useless to get out if here."The voice muttered, but it couldn't bring me down anymore. It had taken a long time. I had realized now that the voice was wrong. I was worth something to myself and to Louis. I deserved a happy life. I deserved to be happy. So I would be. That was that.

 

I was wrong about how definite that happiness would be. It was one of those days where Louis would drag me into a closet and shush me as he kissed over my neck. I wasn't feeling it though. The voice was being extra loud.

"Louis, stop please."I said pushing away from him. I pushed a little too hard I guess because he stumbled and scraped his elbow on the shelf.

"Ouch."He mumbled and when I saw the blood my stomach flipped.

"I hurt you."I whispered."I hurt you I'm so sorry."I rushed over to him and he held his hand over his elbow.

"I'm fine."He didn't mean it to sound like he wanted me to leave, but that's how I took it. There is a difference between those two things, how it's meant and how it's heard. I backed up and out of the closet. I ran all the way back to my room and blockaded the door. I heard Louis knocking, but I didn't open it.

"You hurt him! I told you you would fuck up at some point. He hates you."I buried my face in a pillow. Louis kept knocking. It was so annoying and I wanted it to stop. I picked up a book and threw it at the door.

"Shut up!"I yelled. The knocking stopped after that.

 

I laid in bed for a day after that. I was so sure I'd fucked up. I refused to get up, eat or take my medication. Although they managed to get the meds down my throat eventually. Louis wasn't at work that day. It sounds ridiculous, but I took it as he hated me. He always worked days so he could see me. He didn't want to see me. I went to bed that night with tears in my eyes and a sinking feeling in my stomach.

 

I woke up to a body on top of mine and warm lips pressed against my neck. At first I was confused and I tried to push them off.

"No, I love Lou."I mumbled and I heard an aw.

"Babe."A gravelly voice whispered into my ear. The kisses continued to press against my neck."Babe."I opened my eyes and looked up into blue ones. It was like something out of a dream. I'm being woken up by an omega laying on top of me and kissing me.

"Louis?" 

"Yeah, I got on the night shift so we could cuddle."I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

"Cuddling?" 

"Yes, I wanted to cuddle you." 

"You're not mad?" 

"No, of course not." 

"But I hurt you." 

"It was nothing, I didn't care. You want to kiss it better?"I pressed my lips up his arm to his shoulder and up his neck. I spent extra time lightly biting down on the bond spot. He sucked in a breath quickly.

"Harry."He said warningly and I didn't feeling like testing him. I kissed over his lips. It was my dream. An omega on top of me and we were kissing.

"Harry, I have to go do a round, but I'll come back."He promised slipping off my bed. I waited patiently for his return. This was the best night of my life.

"It won't last."It hissed, but I could ignore it at the prospect of Louis.

 

He worked the night shift for a week. I memorized his scent. It enveloped my clothes and sheets. We almost fucked twice before I stopped him both times. I couldn't control myself if we did. I'd mark him and he'd get fired because betas and alphas don't get marked. Even if he could hide the mark, there was always the question of what if he got pregnant? I knew he wouldn't terminate and I wouldn't want him too. It would be ours you know. I wanted nothing more than to mark him and have kids with him. I wanted him, all of him. He saw me as strong when I was weak. He loved me when I was broken. What else could I possibly ask for? He was all I'd ever asked for.

 

"Harry, it's been six months of treatment and you're doing very well. I think you're ready for out of centre treatment."Dr. Malik said. I looked at him.

"You mean, I get to leave?"He nodded and I jumped out of my seat. I pumped my fist and spun around expecting to see Louis there, but he wasn't.

"He hates you."Spat the voice.

"Where's Louis?"I asked.

"Louis, he got fired for falsifying his identification papers. As you know he's not beta. He's an omega."I could feel the happiness slip through my fingers."I do have good news though. I got his address for you."He handed me the paper with an address written on it. I took it folding it into my shirt pocket, right over my heart.

"Thanks Dr. Malik."I whispered.

"I wouldn't let anyone come between true love, Harry."

 

I was leaving in a week and guess who came to visit.

"Harry?"I looked up at the doorway to see Liam and a stretched out Niall. His stomach rounded with child and he was glowing. They looked so happy.

"Liam? Niall?"I said and Niall rushed forward to hug me.

"I heard you were getting out so we came to visit."Liam explained.

"You guys look happy."I said and Niall nodded.

"We're happy. Are you happy?"I nodded.

"I found someone to help me be happy."Niall cooed and squished my face between his hands.

"I'm so proud of you."Liam smiled at his motherly omega.

"Is it a boy or a girl?"Niall rubbed the bump happily and I watched Liam puff up with alpha pride when Niall giggled out.

"It's a boy."I didn't want to touch him, in case Liam was the protective type.

"Fucking hell Harry."Niall muttered gently wrapping his fingers my wrist and placing it on his stomach."There's your kick."I felt a slight thump against my fingers. He smiled back at Liam at the look of awe on my face. It was just so weird and wonderful to me. He was growing a baby, a whole human being, inside him. It was amazing. They spent an hour talking with me before they kicked them out, gave me my pills and left me alone. I was leaving in a week.

 

I waved at the building and the window I knew Dr. Malik was looking out of. I got into the cab and handed him Louis's address.

"Could you take me here?"The driver nodded responding with a grunt. I watched the trees go by. The outside is so beautiful when you haven't really seen it in awhile. Even the annoying twittering of the birds is harmony to me. I got out in front of Lou's and climbed up the stairs. I had a small suitcase with me. I got to his apartment. I knocked on the door. I heard a cracking voice yell.

"Go away!"I knocked again.

"I said go away!"Louis yelled flinging the door open.

"Harry."He choked and I just stood there."Well?"I shrugged.

"I'm better."

 

He smiled at pulled me inside his shabby apartment. There was a cold box of pizza on the table and a beta boy passed out on the cheap green couch.

"Oi, Stan, wake up!"Louis yelled throwing a half a glass of water on his face. He snorted and shot to awareness.

"What the hell, Lou?"His eyes darted towards me and his mouth dropped open into an oh shape.

"I'll see you Lou."He said cheerily almost running out the door.

"That was my friend."He explained."So you got out?"I nodded. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"That's good."I laughed and grabbed his face pressing our lips together. I slipped my hands down to his waist, one dangerously close to his ass.

"I missed you."I whispered into his ear while kissing down his neck. He loosely wrapped his arms around my neck and tilted his head back to give me more space to work with.

"I missed you too."He hummed.

"When I got fired the first thing I thought about was not being able to see you anymore. It was terrible."I noticed the half empty bottle of rye sitting on the kitchen counter.

"You didn't drink that by yourself, did you?"He shook his head no.

"Stan came over and helped."I nodded, glad he wasn't alone.

"I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere, I promise."He ran his thumb over my cheekbone.

"You have your medication?"I nodded gesturing to the suitcase."If I remember correctly, it's almost time to take it."

 

We were settling in. I don't know how I knew that this was my new home, but I knew. Louis had been being suggestive all night. He would place his hand a little too near my crotch or gently thrusting his hips a few times against my thigh. I avoided him every time successfully, until he trapped me. He straddled me on the shitty green couch and kissed me feverishly. I felt myself hardening and brushing against his developing hardon as well.

"Harry, I want to."He groaned grinding down on me and my nostrils flared at the smell of his slick."I'm so wet Harry, all for you."I groaned digging my nails into my palm. I pushed the cloud of pleasure away with the pain.

"I can't."I gasped gripping his waist tightly."Louis, I can't."He pulled away.

"Can't what?"He asked quietly slumping in my lap."You can obviously get it up, is it me? Do you not want me? I feel like an idiot, oh God."I shook my head gripping him tightly as he tried to slip off my lap.

"No! No, it's not you. You're perfect and gorgeous and, fuck, I want to Lou. I really want to, but I can't."He tilted his head to the side.

"Why not?" 

"I just can't." 

"Harry, I've watched you have full mental breakdowns, you can tell me." 

"I'm just not good enough."I mumbled. His eyes widened in surprise.

 

"Good enough? Oh, babe, you're plenty good enough. I want this too, you know, and I wouldn't be asking if I thought you were shit."I looked up into those blue, blue eyes I'd fallen for the first time I saw them and bit my lip.

"I can't do it. I'll be a major disappointment to you. I probably can't fuck you well enough to make you cum or get a half decent knot going." 

"You're not going to know until you try."I said pulling my lips to his again. I wanted to keep going and knot him into oblivion, but I wasn't sure I could. I wasn't capable of much.

"You never do anything right anyway."The voice muttered.

"Lou, stop."I groaned pushing him away from me. He almost fell backwards off my lap if I hadn't caught him.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry."I pressed my lips up his neck and he pushed my head away.

"Stop Harry, this isn't going to work if you can't stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens to me in your presence."He held my face gently as I stared up into his eyes.

"Let's just sit together and ignore our raging erections."I pulled him into my chest and let him sit. I was hard the entire time because I had a hot omega on my lap who smelled like slick and my body was screaming at me. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

 

I had set myself up a bed on the couch when Louis walked in again.

"Harry, you're not sleeping on the couch."I looked up at him."You're sleeping with me."I raised my eyebrows.

"We've been together in secret for four months Harry. I'm getting old and I need a mate to settle with. I'm taking you for a spin, now come."I took his outstretched hand and let him drag me to bed. I sighed contently when I went to wrap my arms around him. He was so small and fragile feeling in my strong embrace. It made me feel protective that he was so small and I was so big. Like it was meant to be that I was here to protect him. He snuggled back into my body and I let the smell of his drift up my nose. I felt my muscles pull him tighter to me on instinct and we fell asleep that way.

 

I woke up and knew something was very wrong. I could feel it taking over my brain. I looked down at the omega asleep in my arms and felt my cock tent out my boxers.

"Fuck."I whispered forcibly prying myself off of him and trying to back away. I couldn't make myself leave and he rolled over making little huffing noises. He was so cute.

"Harry, come back."He whined making grabby hands at me.

"I can't."I whispered."I need you to leave Louis." 

"I'm not leaving, this is my flat."I groaned.

"Lou, look at me."He looked up at my face, which I'm sure was covered in sweat.

"Harry, are you in rut?"I nodded biting my lip and he laughed."Come on back to bed then babe, I'm going to rock your world."My mouth dropped open all it took was him spreading his legs and slipping two fingers into his hole for me to snap. I lunged towards the bed and roughly sucked on his neck.

"'M gonna fuck you."I moaned as I tugged my boxers down. I yanked his off too and immediately slammed two of my fingers into him.

"Harry."Louis squeaked as I assaulted his prostate. I kissed over his lips and I couldn't wait any longer. I had to knot him. I just had to. I pulled out my fingers lining myself up and immediately pushing into him.

"Yes, Harry."Louis moaned. I rocked forward into him groaning at the feeling of a hot, tight omega squeezing around my forming knot. I knew it had brushed up against his prostate because he let out a sigh when I did. I leaned over kissing him as I thrust into him.

"Knot me Harry."He breathed and I was happy to oblige."Please alpha, knot me, mark me! Breed me!"He let out a groan as he came all over both of us and I moved down his neck at the squeeze to avoid accidentally biting his lip. I felt my knot threatening to pop and I kissed over his panting lips.

"In or out?"I asked, but I don't think I could've pulled out if he wanted me to.

"In!"He screeched just as my knot popped locking me inside him. I thrust shallowly into my cum covered, and now filled, omega teasing another orgasm from his body.

"Fuck, Harry."I couldn't stop myself, even if I wanted to. I bent my head down over the bond spot, pressed a gentle kiss over it, and then bit down. Louis gasped arching his back off the bed as the bond set. I pulled him into my chest, content with the feeling of his cheek against my chest, and fell asleep for a few hours.

 

I didn't really think about what I'd done until after my rut had ended. I was sleeping soundly on my stomach. I turned my head to stare at the parted lips of the boy on his back under my arm, which I had stretched across his chest. I had spent four days fucking the living daylights out of him and it showed. The bruises on his hips, shaped like my fingers, and the love bites that littered his neck and chest told the story of what we'd done. I shuffled closer to him and looked at my favourite mark on him, my mark. I pushed myself up so I hovered over him and just stared for a few minutes before I decided to wake him up. I bent my head to his neck and kiss over the mark I had left. He stretched and squeaked, snaking a hand into my hair.

"Good morning Harry."His gravelly tone flowed into my eardrums.

"Good morning babe."I whispered back nuzzling my nose over his jawline."I hope I didn't hurt you." 

"No, you were sweet and caring."He pressed his palms against my chest and pushed me over on my side. He climbed over me and laid on my chest.

"Hey Louis." 

"Yes Harry?" 

"Are you OK with the fact that I marked you?" 

"I couldn't be happier about it."

 

You know, for a suicidal, depressed mess of an alpha. I did OK. I made up with my Mum a year into Louis's and my relationship. We got married the year after that. He had our first baby nine months later. I just couldn't wait any longer. She was beautiful, my Penelope, with her wavy brown hair and bright blue eyes. I loved her so and Louis even more. We had our mishaps and we made our mistakes. I have to say that we didn't screw up as bad as I thought we would. When Penelope was four Louis had our second child. It was a boy this time and his name was Gavin. He had my eyes, wide and green. We had all sorts of fun. We were a happy family. We are a happy family. Even as I remember all this, lying in bed beside him, I know we're happy. I picked up the empty bottle of anti-depressants. I didn't need them anymore. I placed it back down on the table, turned off the light, turned over on my side and wrapped my arm around my mate. I sprawled my hand across his stretched out stomach, another girl we're going to name Elizabeth, to fall fast asleep. He loved me when I was broken. He thought I was strong when I was weak. I loved him back when I thought I couldn't. I was strong for him when I thought I was weak. I love him and he loves me. That is all I'll ever need.


End file.
